Who needs a revelation?

I had a talk with my mother about this new revelation that took 6 years to get to. And being the best, supporting & awesome mom that she is, she totally understood. She's been trying to explain things to me for years, I just was not listening. I was trapped in this notion that I was a complete failure, that since I've been failing to get my degree I couldn't do anything right. I looked at my friends who were graduating and I couldn't understand why I was having such I tough time. Why life was kicking the sh*t out of me. I got knocked down by a double-decker bus and steam rolled by a train and I just couldn't get back up. So that's when the lies started, lying to my parents, lying to my friends and worst of all lying to myself. Yes I'm studying, yes I like my degree, yes this and yes that. When in all honesty I didn't know what the f*ck I was doing. You know the saying "Fake it till you make it", well I was not making it. So I started cutting myself off from my friends, I just couldn't be around them. Thinking that they were judging me, thinking they wondering why are they even friends with such a failure. I was getting more and more closed off. Slowly becoming an island. I just couldn't see the things I was good at anymore.

So this is where I am now. I just gotta stop running.